I felt loneliness this week… A deep state of loneliness. This is not something I had experienced before, nor do I think I will experience again. Just prior to this event, I had spent 35 hours over five days in a space of resonance, care and warmth. The day after, I found myself helping someone else out of their own loneliness. On the in between days, I was in my flow integrating new knowledge from the above certificate program into my life and offering what I had learned to willing family and friends… Then, on the eve of the New Moon, I was gifted with a loneliness so suffocating and debilitating I was curious if I would vomit.
The sensation in my body was similar a giant pair of hands slowly pushing into my back and chest at the same time; the air being pushed out of me with no ability to take a filling breath. I felt trapped. Time slowed down. There was nowhere to get out — no doorway, or thing I could do or person to call… I felt loneliness in all of it’s essence.
What did I need in this moment? I needed human connection and eye contact. Familiar faces and laughter. I craved my tribe — my home people… The ones who work to play, not live to work. I wanted consistent, friendly and no-cost-at-the-door or pay-to-sit-down social interaction. Belonging and a place to be — wouldn’t that be wonderful. I yearned to jump in my car and go to community — I needed community right then. I wanted to know that others were seeking the same thing and are actively taking steps in their lives to ensure we can all get together…
I was experiencing loneliness. With an awareness, I knew I had the tools to come out of this. I knew about loneliness, more specifically, an alarmed state of aloneness (a term coined by Sarah Peyton / www.empathybrain.com — which I had just learned through the above program). I can’t fully recall the journey of the work that I did to come out of this (when something is released, it is released for good; events seem to leave our cells and are not available to be recalled) but I do know I returned to the notes of my coursework and my personal, timeless toolbox of self-care and coping. Through self-empathy, guided meditation, dance, sleep and other tools, I was brought back to Creativity and the acknowledgement of I am never alone. Soon, I was able to bring myself out of a stress and panic state and into calm and neutral. I was safe again. The world began to move again.
I was in and out of the whole experience in less than 24 hours. I know I have the tools to come out of loneliness. Not everybody does. Being able to experience what others are going through at a terrifying level was a gift for me. Hearing this experience shared by another, the very next day, gave relief and laughter. I received focus in my work and momentum built as plans were made for regular, community-building connection.
Coming out of that experience, I received a Creative burst (as I always do when I move past something intense) and a reminder of what I am capable of.
What do you need?
What is the story you wish to let out?
I am a lifelong receiver of stories, trained in listening and confidentiality through my volunteer position with Fraser Health and as a certified Early Childhood Educator of 18 years. I am a practicing Reiki Master and am currently fine-tuning my listening skills through the Practitioner of Resonant Healing with Sarah Peyton of Empathy Brain.
Need more? Check out the ongoing awesomeness of junipr Soul Expansion.
Connect for more info.